Martin Lee Murdock is sorry.
The man who left a coat and a possible suicide note by the Stuart River, initiating an intensive search and rescue effort by both the Fort St. James and Vanderhoof search and rescue groups as well as RCMP and community members wants to let people know he regrets what he did.
“I just want them to know I’m sorry for wasting time and resources, especially the RCMP and search and rescue,” said Murdock in an emotional interview.
Murdock spoke softly and was hard to understand at times as he struggled to find the words to explain himself.
“I can’t tell you what a bad place I’m in right now, because you wouldn’t understand,” said Murdock.
He described how he sat by the Stuart River where his coat and the note were found for four or five hours thinking suicidal thoughts, and how just a woman walking by with her dog gave him strange impressions.
Murdock said he is seeing a councillor and has few family and friends left willing to help him.
Struggling with the pain and trouble he caused friends, family and the community, Murdock could say little more, but he did write an apology via The Courier’s website Contact Us page:
“I hope you all can forgive me one day. I know what I did was wrong. ... I hurt every day, every minute, every second of each day that passes by. I feel humiliated, abandoned and lost. If I thought I lost everything before, I truly have now, losing everything that connects you to this world is a hard thing. Each day the guilt sets in when I wake up, the sadness in my heart, the loss in my soul. I hurt a lot every day. I am so sorry to the RCMP, search and rescue and all the friends and family I had. Please forgive me one day.”
Murdock will be appearing in Fort St. James Provincial Court on December 13 for charges of public mischief. The maximum penalty for public mischief is five years in prison.